Part 8 of the 20-part Between Mind and Body series

I was walking home from school one day with a friend of mine. We got to the intersection where he would make a left to go home and I would make a right to go home. We stopped at the corner and talked for a bit.

At 13, we were still just kids. Our brains were still developing, and maturity was not always front and center. We liked to joke around a lot, and most of the time it was all in fun. That day, though, I started calling him a name he did not like. I could tell it was bothering him, and instead of stopping, I kept going. I thought I was being funny. I thought I had gotten him.

Before I could say it a fourth time, he punched me in the stomach.

Boy, did that wake me up.

I doubled over, my eyes widened, and thought, What just happened? I just said I was sorry, turned around, and started walking home.

I learned something that day. Being funny is one thing, but being mean just to get a laugh is not cool. In comedy, you have to know your audience. I never called him that name again, and we stayed friends. In fact, we are still friends.

The reason I am telling this story is because somewhere in that back-and-forth banter, something in my friend got triggered. At some point, what I was saying stopped feeling like joking around and started landing in a way that hit something in him. Before he had time to think about what to say or do, he reacted. He did not punch me because he wanted to beat me up. He punched me because he had had enough. It was his way of saying, Stop.

As I write this now, I look back on that moment and see it as a reaction.

Reaction is what happens when something in us moves before we have fully stepped back to understand it. Something is said, something happens, and almost instantly we feel ourselves pulled into a response. Sometimes that response comes out in words. Sometimes it comes out in tone, silence, defensiveness, withdrawal, or the need to control. In those moments, it can feel like we are simply responding to what is happening. But often, reaction is not just about the present moment. It is also about what that moment stirs in us.

This is where emotion takes the lead.

As we move through life, we are constantly taking in information. We take it in through words, facial expressions, tone of voice, touch, memory, and experience. Most of the time, nothing too dramatic happens. We process it and move on. But sometimes something lands differently. It touches a nerve. It hits an old hurt, an insecurity, a fear, a frustration, or something unresolved. When that happens, before awareness has had a chance to catch up, reaction takes over.

Usually it does not look like a punch in the stomach.

Usually it looks more ordinary than that.

It looks like snapping at someone.

It looks like shutting down.

It looks like a sharp comment, a certain tone, a cold silence, or a look that says everything without saying a word.

That is reaction too.

Reaction is not always just about what is happening outside of us. A lot of the time, it is about what has been activated inside of us. What comes out in the moment may have as much to do with our inner state as it does with the actual event.

That is why reaction matters.

The more aware we become of our inner process, the more possibility we have in how we respond. Mindfulness does not mean we never react. It means we begin to catch ourselves sooner. We start noticing the tightening in the body, the rush of emotion, the urge to defend ourselves, strike back, pull away, or take control. And in that noticing, even if only for a moment, there is the beginning of choice.

I also remember a time when someone in a store said something to my mom that was not very nice. I do not know if she did not fully understand because her first language was Japanese, or if she understood perfectly and simply chose not to engage. What I do remember is her response. She just looked at the person, smiled, and we went on our way.

That stayed with me.

At the time, I was too young to think much about what might have been going on inside her. I did not stop to wonder what she felt, what she understood, or what she may have wanted to say back. What stood out to me was her calmness.

Now I see that moment differently. I see someone who did not let the tension of that moment take over. Instead of reacting outwardly, she seemed to stay grounded and let it pass through without becoming part of it.

That kind of presence feels important to me now.

Taking a moment, taking a breath, and not immediately feeding the emotion can help keep a person grounded. I think that may have been what I was witnessing in my mother, even if I did not have the words for it at the time.

Not every moment asks for a reaction. Sometimes the strongest response is groundedness.

I often wonder what is going on inside us when something lands, whether it feels good, bad, or somewhere in between. What gets touched? What gets stirred? What begins moving so quickly that we are already reacting before we even understand why?

Reaction begins to answer that.

It shows us that what comes out of us is not always just about the moment we are in. Often, it is the visible expression of something deeper moving beneath the surface.

The moment we become aware of our reaction is the moment we begin making room for